


And Sometimes I Despair

by ProbablyVoldemort



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Character Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I really don't know what else to tag this as, I'm Sorry, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 09:26:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14281920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProbablyVoldemort/pseuds/ProbablyVoldemort
Summary: Ladybug and Chat Noir were the heroes of Paris, and one day they'd beat Hawkmoth.But what if they didn't?





	And Sometimes I Despair

**Author's Note:**

> I was looking for something on the USB where I'd transferred files to when I was between laptops, and found this. I honestly forgot I'd written it, and it made me cry while I was just rereading it, so be forewarned. Anyway, I think this was supposed to be a multichapter (there are some notes at the end of the document for some plot points that weren't written out) but for right now it's just going to be a oneshot until I have time to continue it, which probably won't be for a while.
> 
> Title is from Crash Test Dummies' Superman's Song, which I thought was fitting for this fic. If you don't get why, definitely go check out the music video on YouTube. It'll make you cry.
> 
> Please enjoy the fic, and don't hate me too much :)

They say everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing when something significant happens.  Something like the death of a loved one, or witnessing an accident, or winning the lottery.  An event shocking enough that it burns itself into your memory forever. 

An event such as the deaths of Ladybug and Chat Noir. 

The akuma was called Supernova, and word of her appearance brought the end of a double date.  Marinette and Adrien retreated to safety while Alya and Nino chased the perfect shot. 

The attack was fairly standard, though the civilians gathered to watch were luckier than usual, as none were hit with Supernova's attacks.  Plenty of non-human bystanders were hit, however; trees, trash cans, even the occasional building reduced to a pile of ash. 

Alya grinned as Ladybug and Chat Noir swooped in, motioning for Nino to adjust their camera's angle. 

It seemed like they were winning, too.  Supernova's costume glittered as attack after attack was deflected. 

Alya stepped closer, a step out of the line of the crowd, and that was when it happened. 

Ladybug yelled at her to watch out, but it was already too late.  With a flash of gold, Supernova had fired an attack straight at her.  She didn't have time to move, didn't have time to do anything but watch her temporary death come with acceptance. 

But that wasn't what happened. 

Because a streak of red shot out in front of her, and the attack never hit Alya. 

And all that was left of Ladybug was a pile of ash and a pair of spotted earrings. 

Chat Noir's broken, desperate cry would haunt the dreams of everyone who heard it for weeks. 

Everything seemed to move in slow motion after that.  Alya took a stumbling step backwards as the grinning akuma made a run for the earrings.  Chat Noir blindly charged Supernova with a wreaked call for his Cataclysm.  The akuma sidestepped at the last moment, her own attack hitting Chat Noir in the chest. 

She let out a laugh, stooping to scoop up his ring from the remains of the city's second hero, and then flew off. 

The streets were silent, everyone's eyes trained on the matching piles of ashes, and then a gust of wind blew through, scattering what was left of the heroes. 

It took a few minutes for Nino to gather himself enough to turn off the camera, stopping the live feed.  Alya's heart was in her throat, staring at the spot where Ladybug had saved her life by sacrificing her own. 

"Oh my god," she whispered, hand seeking out Nino's and gripping it with all she had.  "Holy shit." 

They almost made it back to her house before the shock wore off and the tears started.  What were they supposed to do?  Ladybug and Chat Noir weren't supposed to die.  Hawkmoth wasn't supposed to win. 

But they did, and he had, so now what? 

The news was full of speculation and fear.  What were Hawkmoth's plans, now that he had their Miraculouses?  Who were Ladybug and Chat Noir, and how were their families and friends taking this?  How much time did everyone else have left? 

And, of course, the video, over and over.  They used the one from the Ladyblog, because it was the best, because it was always the best.  They were forced to see it, again and again and again, as though everyone hadn't already memorized it.  Alya, stepping slightly into the frame.  Supernova's burst of light.  Ladybug, sacrificing herself.  Chat's haunting scream and imminent demise. 

No one noticed that Marinette and Adrien seemed to have disappeared until late that night, when Sabine phoned Alya's home asking for her daughter to come home. 

"She went with Adrien after our date," she pointed out, staring blankly as Chat Noir's life was ripped from him again.  "I haven't seen her since.  She's probably still with him." 

But no one could reach Marinette or Adrien, and Nathalie confirmed that they hadn't been to the mansion at all that day. 

It wasn't that unusual, of course, for Marinette and Adrien to disappear for lengths of time, though usually one of them called if they were going to be out overnight.  Something felt off about this time, though, so Sabine phoned the police to report them missing.  But, as they were both recently turned eighteen and thus adults, nothing could be done until they'd been gone for at least twenty four hours. 

So they waited, and they watched the news, and the waited some more. 

Neither Marinette nor Adrien showed up before the time was up, and police were sent out to search for them. 

Paris all but shut down for the two weeks following Ladybug and Chat Noir's death.  Whether it was in mourning or in fear of Hawkmoth's next move depended on who you were speaking with, but the general consensus was that nothing was happening. 

There were two exceptions to this nothing.  The first was the ongoing search for Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Adrien Agreste.  Nathalie led the search on the Agreste front, as Gabriel had locked himself away after the attack and rarely emerged. 

No clues were found, the police not even able to make a guess as to where they'd disappeared to. 

An idea gnawed at the back of Alya's mind, an inkling as to why they were gone, something so horrible and terrible that she'd banished the thought as soon as it appeared and never thought of it again. 

But, after two weeks, most were beginning to lose hope in finding them any time soon. 

The second was the nightly candlelight vigil held under the Eiffel Tower in honour of the fallen heroes.  The monument became a memorial, with pictures and flowers and stuffed animals, cards giving thanks for the four years that they'd stood guard over the city.  More and more people came each night, as the Supernova attack grew further away and the likelihood of Hawkmoth setting off an even bigger attack grew smaller. 

After two weeks had passed, the news was still saying the same things, the Ladyblog video still playing on a loop.  What were Hawkmoth's plans?  Where had he gone?  Why hadn't he done anything yet?  Who were Ladybug and Chat Noir?  Why hadn't anyone come forward claiming Ladybug had been their sister, Chat Noir their best friend? 

Nino took the video off the Ladyblog after three days, and changed the channel whenever it came on TV.  All Alya did, when she wasn't out searching for Marinette and Adrien, was watch as she was pushed out of the way by Ladybug, again and again and again.  She hadn't said it outright, not to Nino, at least, but he knew she blamed herself for Ladybug's death. 

But he didn't want to bring it up, so he'd change the channel and tug her closer, sending out another text to their friends that wouldn't be answered. 

Nothing much had changed in the two weeks since Ladybug and Chat Noir's deaths, so the mayor declared that everyone needed to return to their lives. 

Which was how Alya found herself slumped in her desk that Monday morning, scrolling through her Facebook feed without really seeing anything. 

Her classmates slowly trickled in, everyone pretending they didn't notice the two students whose seats most likely wouldn't be filled. 

Nino slid into Marinette's seat, and Alya offered him a tired smile to show that, yes, she was perfectly okay. 

He opened his mouth to say something, but her phone buzzed with an email and she held up a finger for him to wait. 

He leaned over her shoulder eagerly, and they waiting for the app to open with baited breath, hoping that something had finally come up about their friends' whereabouts. 

Instead it was an untitled message from an unlisted name, something untraceable that Alya would later hack and follow to find an abandoned massage parlor. 

She pressed her thumb against the message and it opened up. 

 _Alya,_  

 _I'm sorry this has taken this long to reach you, but I was given specific instructions to not let you watch this alone, and, as it is difficult to tell whether you're alone or not, I decided to wait until you returned to school.  Please do not watch this on your own.  As per the instructions I was given, it will be sent out to all major media outlets in two days if you do not upload it onto the_ _Ladyblog_ _.  I am trusting you to deliver the message to everyone necessary before that happens._  

There was no signature at the bottom, but there was an attachment under the words, a video file labeled Watch If Hawkmoth Wins. 

Alya felt her heart speed up, and she met Nino's eyes briefly before pressing a shaky thumb to it. 

Ladybug lit up the screen, seated behind a table, alive and well. 

 _"If you're watching this,"_ she said, staring solemnly into the camera,  _"it means something went wrong.  I'm sorry, because if you're seeing this, it means that Chat and I are dead, that—"_

Alya paused the video with a jerk of her finger, staring at it with wide eyes. 

"Holy shit," Nino breathed, and Alya had to agree.  Had Ladybug somehow known Supernova was going to kill them?  Why had she recorded this?  Why had it been sent to Alya, of all people? 

"What is that?" Alix asked, sliding onto the bench next to Nino.  "It sounded like Ladybug was going to reveal her identity in case she died." 

Alya shook her head, staring down at Ladybug's frozen face on her screen.  "It sounded like that to me, too," she whispered. 

Suddenly the class had gathered around, and Alya suddenly felt claustrophobic.  When Max suggested hooking it up to the projector, she readily agreed.  Whoever sent the email had said to not watch it alone, after all. 

And then there she was, larger than life against the wall, the magnified size only adding to the tenseness of her features. 

 _"If you're watching this, it means that something went wrong.  I'm sorry, because if you're seeing this, it means that Chat and I are dead, that Hawkmoth won.  I'm sorry that we couldn't stop him, that we failed you."_  

There was a sound offscreen that could have almost been a snort, and Ladybug glared just left of the camera. 

 _"What?"_  

 _"You sound like the beginning of some bad action movie,"_ Chat Noir's voice pointed out, lowering to a mocking tone.   _"If you're seeing this, I'm already dead.  Here's the top secret_ _information that got me killed.  Guard it with your life and finish my mission."_  

Ladybug rolled her eyes.   _"How else should we start this, then?"_

 _"We shouldn't.  I told you, this is a terrible idea, and we're never going to have to use this.  What is the point of putting ourselves through this?"_  

Ladybug glanced down at the table, tracing patterns on its surface.   _"But what if we do need to use it?"_  she asked, voice quiet.   _"What if something happens to us, and we don't have anything set up like this?  Do you want your dad to wonder what happened to you?  And our friends?  My parents would go crazy if I disappear without a word, and I don’t want to put them through that."_ She glanced back up, staring at that spot just beyond the camera that was Chat Noir. _"So, are you going to do this with me?  Because if you're just going to mock me, you can go."_

Chat didn't say anything, but a moment later he was sinking into the seat beside Ladybug.   

Ladybug grasped his hand and swallowed heavily before turning back to the camera.   _"If you're watching this, we're dead,"_  she repeated, and Alya curled further into Nino.  Someone was already crying, and she felt close herself.   _"The_   _akumas_ _have been getting worse every day, and the possibility of Hawkmoth taking our Miraculouses one day is getting higher and higher."_

Chat Noir made a noise of disagreement, and Ladybug turned a tired gaze on her partner. 

 _"Chat doesn't think this is necessary,"_ she pointed out, and some part of Alya figured they must have planned to have edited this video but ran out of time.   _"He doesn't think we should think about the worst, but we have to._

 _"If you're watching this, and we're—"_  She broke off, swallowing heavily before continuing. _"and we're gone, then you probably already know our identities.  Chances are we turned back once Hawkmoth had our Miraculouses, so this video is probably moot."_  

Chat's eyes seemed to be gliding over something behind the camera, and Alya realized that they must have written a script, that Ladybug didn't feel she'd be able to do this unless she'd made sure to include every point she thought needed to be in it. 

 _"There's a chance,"_ he said, flattened ears and heavy voice betraying how much this affected him.   _"There's a chance that you don't know, that the akuma had some sort of power that just made us disappear.  That we're just...gone."_

He stopped, his face paling, and Ladybug tightened her grip on his hand. 

 _"That's why we need to make this video,"_ she continued, seemingly addressing both her partner and the audience.   _"That's why you need to know who we are, so you don't spend the rest of your lives wondering why we never came home.  Our families and our friends need answers, and I'm not going to let them keep searching for ghosts."_

She looked to Chat, who took a moment before nodding.  She turned back to the camera, offering a slight smile. 

 _"Being Ladybug is one of the best things that ever happened to me,"_ she said, voice shaking.   _"I wouldn't trade it for anything.  We're eighteen, Chat and I, at least we were at the time of making this video.  We got our Miraculouses at fourteen, and these have been the best four years of our lives."_  

Chat reached out his free hand to grip Ladybug's shoulder.   _"Maybe we should tell them who we are, first,_ " he suggested, eyes still roving over the unseen script.   _"It's probably best to get that out of the way."_

Ladybug nodded, and seemed to steel herself.   _"I'm sorry, Alya,"_  she said, addressing the camera.   _"I'm so sorry that you have to be the first one to see this."_

Alya didn't have time to think before they'd whispered something, the picture disappearing in a burst of pink and green light. 

And then she couldn't breathe, clutching Nino's arm in horror as she stared at the screen. 

 _"My name's Marinette Dupain-Cheng, and this is Adrien Agreste, and we are—or_ _were?_ — _Ladybug and Chat Noir."_  

Someone was screaming, drowning out the rest of the video, and it wasn’t until later, when her throat was raw and dry, that Alya considered it might have been her.

**Author's Note:**

> So that happened...
> 
> Please come yell at me in the comments, and kudos will also be appreciated.
> 
> Come follow me on Tumblr if you want more angst or random stories about my life at probably-voldemort :)


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